"I'm Fine"

How many times in your life has someone asked you “What’s wrong?” or “How are you doing?” and you say, “I’m fine.” I have so many times. I think I’m fine has become my default answer when I am trying to avoid an argument or conflict. The sad thing is in reality on the inside I am screaming, “I am not fine.” This is completely insane! I am slowly losing my mind! In my life, I have a tendency to want to avoid any type of conflict. I don’t like people being mad at me and I don’t like being mad at other people but boy does holding all the “I’m fine” feelings make you feel like you want to explode sometimes. Then there are times when you completely explode and can no longer hold your emotions inside. From my own personal experiences, it is not healthy to hold in your emotions and say, “I’m fine” all the time. I think back a couple of months ago. I completely exploded on Thanksgiving Day - of all days to be upset or ungrateful. Looking back on it now it was all the “I’m fines” before this incident that really lead to the explosion. One of my closet friends even told me, “Maci, you can’t keep letting it go on like this. You’re eventually not going to be able to handle it anymore. You need to speak up and talk about how you feel.” Gosh, I wish I had listened to her advice. When it finally happened, it all came crashing down. All the “I’m fines” were lies that kept building and building. I think sometimes I tend to think that my feelings do not matter. As long as all the people around me are happy, that is what is important. Have you ever felt this way? You bury all the hurt, heartache, judgments in the “I’m fine.” Honestly, that moment when it all came crashing down, I thank God for every single day. That was the day I released the girl who runs from her true feelings. Let me tell you something, your feelings do matter! The “I’m fines” may work for a little while, but it is not going to last forever.  I am currently reading another Lysa Terkeurst book called Unglued, Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotion. In the book, she talks about what is the right way to let other people know how we are feeling without the explosions. We have to humble ourselves and come to the situation with honestly in hopes of working through the problem together, instead of burying our emotions, which will eventually lead to explosions. The Bible says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4: 31-32 I let all of the “I’m fines” turn into bitterness and selfishness. In my selfishness, I blamed other people for making me feel the way I did, but it was my own personal problem with “I’m fine” that caused me to explode. So today, my prayer for you is that you can let go of the “I’m Fines” and talk things out with the people you care about before you explode. Learn from my mistakes and let your true feelings be known with humility and honesty.

P.S. I found this image on Pinterest and thought it perfectly summed up this week's post! :)